Status Update

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We’re over halfway through the year, so I figured I owed you a little status update on my reading life and challenge. Reading is still a regular activity around here. I love that my husband enjoys reading as much as I do because we can be reading our separate books but still spending time together. Also, it makes book talk all the more fun when you have someone to hash it out with!

Without further ado, here’s what I’ve been reading:

April

• Category: A book published the decade you were born
• Book: The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

Soooo…I haven’t actually finished this one yet… Here is what comes of selecting books on a whim as I so often do. I didn’t realize that this book was more of a workbook and that for actual success with it, you should probably take the time to read one chapter a week and complete the suggested exercises that go with it. Not the ideal book for a reading challenge in retrospection.

The book is written with the main purpose of helping aspiring writers develop their creative potential and confidence. The author is a former creative writing teacher, and this book is basically her curriculum. When I first started reading this in pandemic times, I got excited. “Megan, this would be a great time to exercise and develop your skills. What else have you got to do right now? This is going to be great!” But did I do it? Uh, no. Instead I baked like a bazillion desserts and ignored this book. Sounds about right.

I hesitate to give my full opinion as I’m not quite halfway through the book and I don’t think that’s fair to it, but so far some of the theories and principles have felt a little vague and out there for me. I just have difficulty connecting with it at times. I will do my best to finish this book before the end of the year, but I know I’m not doing it justice. Perhaps I will revisit it at a later date, use it as it was actually intended, and have an entirely different experience. To be determined.

May

• Category: A re-read
• Book: Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine

I know there are some people who never, ever re-read books. While I understand the anxiety of too many books, too little time and the resulting decision by some to never return to books they’ve previously read, I would have to disagree. In fact, I think one of the defining factors of a favorite book or a five-star read is the desire to want to read it again.

Oh, and if there’s ever a book I could read and read again, Ella Enchanted it is. Equally charming in girlhood as it is in adulthood, this book stands the test of time. The fantasy elements are fun, the love story is sweet and perfect, and Ella is the girl we all wish to be. I adore this book. And you can easily read it in less than a week. Excuse me as I go look for the Anne Hathaway movie now…

June

• Category: A book outside your (genre) comfort zone
• Book: Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach

Um. What can I say? If you just read that title and looked at that cover, you don’t need me to tell you that this was weird. But I clearly believe in going all out, so read a book [way] outside of my comfort zone I shall do.

I’ve seen this book highlighted on Goodreads quite a bit, and when I saw this challenge category, I knew this would be a good fit. While I enjoy nonfiction, it’s definitely not my go-to. Also science has never been my favorite subject, so I felt it might be good to learn a few things. And I don’t usually read about dead bodies, so there you go!

I listened to this on audio (partly because this is not the sort of book you want lying around your coffee table when company comes over…). I thought the narrator did a great job, and the writer kept things surprisingly lighthearted or as much as possible. I did however learn not to listen to this book on my way home from work…when I’m about to prepare dinner…and then eat it. Yeah, just don’t.

I definitely learned new things on a variety of topics. Not sure how useful any of it will be, but maybe I can answer one question at some elusive trivia night five years from now. Who knows? Also I can’t imagine what this book would have been like to research. I think the author must be a very brave and curious woman.

In other news, I’ve read 27 books so far this year and am definitely on track to reach my goal of 40 by the end of the year! Here are a few of my favorite reads over the last few months:

• The Cruelest Month (Book 3 in the Chief Inspector Armand Gamache series) by Louise Penny – I started reading this series last fall, and I really enjoy it. So far, each book is set in a different season which is very instrumental to the setting and plot of each book, so I’m really trying to savor the series and read each book in the season it’s set in. I’ll be reading Book 4 soon!
• Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine – as previously mentioned
• Anne of Avonlea (Book 2 in the Anne of Green Gables series) by L.M. Montgomery – I’m not sure if I read this book as a child or not, but it was an equally enjoyable sequel to the first book. Also I read it in just a few days. Quick, light, fun read.
• Rebecca by Daphne du Mauier – People! I need someone else to read this book so I can give my poor husband a break from talking non-stop about it and bother someone else!!! Got it??? But seriously, this book was incredible. It was dark and gloomy and romantic (but not in a love story kind of way) and just creepy enough. I found it extremely compelling, and I know it’s early, but this is definitely in the running for my favorite book of 2020. Also Netflix is supposed to be releasing a new movie version of it starring Lily James, and I need this to happen now. So please, people of Netflix, have mercy and give us what we want!!! And by we, I mean me and everyone who’s going to run out and read this book now. Right?!?!?!?!?
• It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered by Lysa TerKeurst – you know how some books seem to find you at the perfect time? That was this book. Our girls’ Bible study group picked this book right at the beginning of this pandemic, and we read through all of it in April and May, meeting up through Zoom calls and eventually socially distanced park visits. Wow, what a book. If you’re going through something, anything that’s hard or uncomfortable, please read this. The author is writing from a very raw and firsthand perspective of going through HARD things. She helps you see how God is breaking you, molding you, and remaking you through the hard things and reminds you that it’s okay to feel big feelings, to mess up, and to get back up and try again. This spoke to my heart, and I hope to come back to it time and time again.
• Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (Book 1) by J.K. Rowling – I first started reading the Harry Potter series in the summer of 2016 on a friend’s dare or request…I can’t remember. (Hi, Mary!) I did NOT think I was going to like it. I was sure it wouldn’t be for me. I could not have been more wrong, and I’m thankful for friends who push you to try something new. I loved the series and was already looking forward to reading them again. Book 1 did not disappoint. In fact, I think I liked it even better the second time around after having a better grasp of what was going on. Gryffindors Unite!

What have you been reading lately? Inquiring minds would love to know! 🙂

Party of One

I’ve considered writing about this topic several times over the years, and every time I’ve decided against it for the following reasons:

1. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining or looking for attention.
2. I don’t want to sound like I’m asking you to feel sorry for me.
3. I don’t want to sound like I’m speaking for a group as a whole.
4. This is a very personal topic that leaves me a bit more vulnerable than I typically like to be when I write.

But you know what they say – “write what you know.” I don’t know who “they” are, but I assume they know what they’re talking about since we’re still quoting them and all. What I do know for now is how to be single, so I guess I’ll write about it. To start, here’s a response to my misgivings and a bit of a disclaimer if you will:

1. I’m not complaining. I’m actually quite content with being single about 90% of the time (the other 10% is usually when the trash needs to be taken out or when I can’t reach the cake pans on my top shelf), so believe me when I say I’m not whining at you.
2. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. Seriously. There’s no need to. So please don’t.
3. I’m not speaking for the entire single population in this blog post. All thoughts, feelings, and opinions are solely my own. If they happen to resonate with any other single folks out there, cool.
4. It’s always good to leave yourself a little bit vulnerable. It keeps you humble and reminds you that you’re flawed and human.

So, that’s that. Let’s begin.

The whole reason for this post is because I was recently made aware that this week is National Unmarried and Single Americans Week. I’m serious, this is a thing, and apparently it’s been going on since the 1980s. I had to laugh. Congratulations, America! We’ve officially found a way to recognize everyone and everything.

I first learned of this holiday from this article. The article takes up the conversation of whether it’s more expensive to be single or married (which is an interesting discussion in and of itself, but probably shouldn’t be the deciding factor for your relationship status). It got me thinking on a broader level about singleness though.

Whether you’re currently single or married, we all know someone who is single, and I think we can highlight a few points that will help you show some love to the single people in your life.

1. Celebrate them.

Okay, so we’ve established that National Singles Week is a little much, but don’t be afraid to celebrate your single friends and their accomplishments.

Society has drilled into us that there are certain things that we celebrate without fail. In my circle, those life event celebrations tend to revolve around marriages and births. Without a doubt, those are wonderful things to celebrate, but don’t forget to recognize other accomplishments as well.

If your friend graduates from college, give them a gift card. If your friend gets a promotion, take them out for a celebratory dinner. If your friend buys a house, throw them a housewarming party. Sometimes I think we wait for those socially recognized life events to celebrate, and we miss out on opportunities that are staring us right in the face.

When I moved out of my parents’ home and bought my own house, I literally had to purchase everything needed to live on your own in the span of a three-day weekend. It was the most overwhelming and exhausting weekend of my life. We’re talking everything from furniture to Band-Aids. I vividly remember coming close to having a nervous breakdown in Macy’s as I tried to decide on a knife set. There was so much to do and so much to buy that I hardly knew where to begin.

Thankfully, I had some wonderful friends and family members who celebrated this big step for me and provided lovely gifts and home items that I still treasure today. They eased that burden for me and showed me that they were excited for me in this new stage of my life. I was truly touched by the thoughtfulness as it was an unexpected delight.

2. Include them.

Just because people are in different places in their life doesn’t mean that you can’t hang out together. I think there are areas where we can do better about this. Churches, I hate to call you out, but sometimes we’re guilty of putting people in silos based on their life status and defining what activities they should go to and what groups they should be a part of.

My best group of friends is a beautiful combination of married couples, young parents, and singles. I love seeing that blend of experiences mesh together because we learn from each other and we gain a greater appreciation for various walks of life. How different it would be if we each had to operate in our own designated bubble at all times.

Additionally, let’s be careful that we don’t put people in boxes. This is where I have to get a little real. Guess what? Not everyone gets married. It’s true. I don’t know whether or not it’s going to be in God’s plan for me to be married one day. I may be single for the rest of my life. And I’m honestly okay with that.

But Christian society has trained us to think that the natural progression for everyone is singleness > married > family. We tend to have the skewed viewpoint that if you’re in the singleness stage, you just haven’t moved up to the married stage yet. Well, what if you never do? Are you broken? Have you never arrived? Are you stuck?

No. God’s plan does not involve every Christian on earth finding their “soulmate,” and it’s unfair for us to assume that everyone will one day be married and until then they should just chill out and wait for it to happen. There may not be a next step for me, and that’s okay because God is using me right where I’m at, whether that’s just until next week or for the rest of my life.

One of the things that breaks my heart most of all is when we alienate people from certain roles. I recently heard a very sweet and well-meaning preacher say that the highest calling for a woman is to be a mother. In theory, I can’t necessarily argue with him as I certainly think being a mother is a noble and priceless job, but what about the women who will never be mothers? What about the women who are unable to get pregnant? What about the women who have lost their children? What about the single women? Are these women unable to receive a high calling from God?

I don’t think so. God’s plan for each of us is perfect. He uses each of us in unique and meaningful ways. As much as I yearn for the day when I might have the opportunity to be a mother, I don’t believe that my value in Christ is any less if I remain childless. So don’t alienate people from roles simply because they don’t fit the pre-defined mold. Value people not only for their place in the home, but also for the work they do on the job and in the church.

3. Encourage them.

So far I’ve tried to accentuate the positives by suggesting things that we should do, but I’m going to go into a little “don’t” session here.

1. Don’t pressure. There are a lot of well-meaning people in the life of a single. They want you to be happy, and if they’re married, they want you to have the same kind of happy that they have. This is so sweet, but try not to put added pressure on a single to snag someone and settle down before they’re old and gray. It just gets awkward when you ask them if they’re seeing someone and they have to tell you “no” for the 29th time. True story. Good-natured teasing and ribbing is fine, but remember that there’s a line that can be crossed and there’s also a time and place.
2. Don’t patronize. After you’ve asked your single friend if they’re seeing someone and they’ve awkwardly answered negatively, don’t follow up with a one-liner assuring them not to worry because they’ll find someone soon. You really don’t know that, and even though you’re trying to be nice, it’s not all that helpful. I once read about a girl who while she was single, would write letters to her future husband. She of course didn’t know him at the time, but on their eventual wedding day, she was able to give him this stack of letters that she’d written to him before she even knew his name. I thought this was incredibly romantic, and I started doing the same. A few years into this, I became increasingly frustrated. I was writing all of these letters, but still, no one had come into my life that I would be able to share them with. At some point, I had a thought – what if there never is someone to share these with? I wondered if I was wasting my time writing sappy letters to a guy who may not even exist. So I made a change. I started writing letters to Jesus instead. Believe me, I would love to be married one day, but if my junior high self had had her way, that would have already happened about five years ago. Now even if I never have another relationship, I know I’m not wasting my time because I’m growing and developing the most important relationship of all.
3. Understand their struggles, but don’t pity them. Just because someone is single does not mean that they should be pitied. You can very well have a full, vibrant, and purposeful life – even if your relationship status doesn’t change. Sometimes, very rarely, I will feel sorry for myself. It’s usually because I want to share something with someone, and I can’t. It could be a joke, a job frustration, or a responsibility (what I wouldn’t give for a gardener/accountant/handyman at times!!!). But I quickly snap out of any “woe is me” pity parties, because honestly, what do I have to be sad about? Nothing! There are people who are going through actual trials and devastation in life, and I know nothing of what that’s like. Single people actually have it pretty good in a lot of ways (can you say no arguments over how to spend money and no one eating your favorite ice cream???), so don’t feel sorry for them. I am so happy in the life that God has given me. Blessings abound to each in their own way!

So, yes! Be an encouragement to your single friends. Let’s just make sure we’re doing it in the right way.

I hope this doesn’t read as a crazy single lady’s diatribe on the injustices of the world because that is truly not the intent. I hope it shares some thoughts on a subject that’s not often discussed. I hope it makes you think a little differently about the people that are in your life. And, most of all, I hope it reads as an open letter of love and encouragement to my fellow single folks and all those who know and love them.

I’m Back!

A little more sitting. A little more bleeding. A little more scribbling. Coming soon.

Superman

written on July 3, 2013 after visiting the Flight 93 National Memorial in Shanksville, PA

Superman and the Legion of Super-Heroes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What makes a hero?

Most people’s list of qualifications would begin with strength, bravery, and courage. We insist on qualities like being visionary, nurturing fiery passion, and risking it all in an act of daring defiance for the greater good of mankind.

Children picture dynamic superheros in colorful tights and silky capes swooping in to save the day and defeat the bad guy. Adults are mesmerized by stories of those who do the impossible, who reach new heights of the human abilities, who press on into the unknown for the sake of their cause. We are enchanted by “rags-to-riches” role models, superstar athletes, and military men and women who sacrifice the things they love for the fight for freedom.

These are our heroes.

But do we really understand them? Can we ever truly comprehend their emotions and feelings? Their motivations? Do we realize what makes them so different from ourselves?

Or maybe not so different.

I’ve spent the last two weeks studying numerous heroes throughout our country’s history. Young, inexperienced colonists who fought for an idea and vision they could barely begin to fathom. Signers of the Declaration of Independence who committed acts of treason while chasing the dream of freedom that finally seemed within reach. Brothers, cousins, sons and fathers torn apart by what they believed in and by their differing hopes and desires for their country. Covert spies living a life in no man’s land, slipping between continents, aliases, and lives at a moment’s notice. And finally, the renegades of Flight 93 who took an impossible situation into their hands and stood in the way of a greater evil, giving their lives to save others.

These men and women spanning a time period of over 200 years are picture-perfect examples of heroes, and I strove to discover what connected the feisty, colonial patriot to the modern men and women aboard Flight 93. What makes them all heroes?

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Despite the popular opinion of strength, bravery, and courage, I think that’s much too simple of an answer. While these men and women have exhibited an incredible display of those qualities, I don’t think that is the base of heroism. After all, these men and women are only human. They are not the stone-faced superheroes of our action movies. They are not the fictional super sleuths of our favorite novels. They are not the dashing, lighthearted federal agents of our favorite sitcoms. They are human, and therefore, they are not perfect.

Fear. It has so many disguises. Sometimes it creeps in at night, cold and invisible, stilling your lungs and punctuating your skin with goosebumps the size of sesame seeds. Sometimes it rushes through in a harsh, throbbing blast, leaving your ears ringing and your heart exploding out of your chest. Sometimes it’s swift. Sometimes it takes up permanent residence. Sometimes it lies sneakily dormant for a respectable amount of time, only to flare up unexpectedly and unwanted. However it comes and however it masks itself, fear’s thin, gnarly fingers have a reach that touches all mankind, including our heroes.

It is easy to put them on pedestals and forget any human fallacies they may have had. But in so doing, we fail to remember them as who they really were – average, American citizens who were scared out of their minds.

Virgina Memorial at Gettysburg

You see, I do not think it is the lack of fear that gave these men and women the title “hero.” For terrifying, mind-numbing, horrific fear they must have endured. In Gettysburg, there is a riveting statue at the memorial for Virginia. The faces of the Confederate soldiers reflect a wide variety of emotions – resolve, determination, shock, worry, anger, and yes, fear. It was striking, mainly because I so often fall into the trap of thinking of those heroes as fearless, so dedicated to their mission that they clear themselves of all emotions and simply take care of business.

But this cannot be entirely true. They are human. How could they then rid themselves of all emotions so easily? Not possible.

This is what i find most incredible. This is what I think makes them heroes – the fact that they were able to face the same fear we are all gripped with and still be able to do something with that fear. They didn’t hide. They didn’t run away. They faced it head on. They stayed put, hands trembling, tears streaming down their faces, overwhelming terror squeezing their insides. And they acted.

That is what makes them different, amazing, heroic.

We wonder, “Would I be able to do the same in a similar situation?” And as we consider this age-old question, we must remember that the presence of fear is not a failure. Rather, failure only comes when we succumb to fear and allow it to control our very being. If we refuse to give fear the upper hand and continue to act despite our fear, that is the success. That is the victory of all ordinary citizens who have shaped the course of history through their passion, love, and proper respect and use of fear.

That is the unsung story of a hero.